Jammy Bastard Syndrome

There is growing concern within the caring professions about the emergence of a new and distressing syndrome. This syndrome presents new challenges and requires those who care to fundamentally rethink the notions of "victim" and "disadvantage" within our society. Almost every week our television screens bring to our attention the plight of someone who has suddenly and unexpectedly acquired a great deal of money.

These unfortunates apparently no longer have to worry about their mortgage, but suffer the stress of suddenly being very popular and must obsessively state that they are still the same person as when they were poor. All classic signs of Jammy Bastard Syndrome (JBS).

In response to the emergence of JBS, a new therapeutic discipline has emerged which seeks to help people come to terms with being incredibly rich and to work through the opportunities and challenges they now face. This is the discipline of Wealth Counselling.

Wealth Counselling is based upon well proven and expensive principles, combining endless analysis with a well defined behavioural regime designed to assist those with JBS come to terms with their condition. The Wealth Counsellor works on a one-to-one basis with the client to define those aspects of opulence which are most distressing. These workshops take place in exotic locations and expensive hotels over a period of several months. The expense incurred is all part of the initial therapeutic assessment.

However, total remission of JBS is not guaranteed and Wealth Counselling itself can precipitate further distressing conditions. Due to its protracted length and its positive engagement with the real world of consumption, Wealth Counselling can prove very expensive.

On those occasions when the client’s resources are exhausted by the requirement for Wealth Counselling, the symptoms of JBS subside to be replaced by those of Soft Bastard Syndrome (SBS). It is to be hoped that future research will lead to effective treatment of those who, having depleted their resources combating JBS, now find themselves unable to finance treatment of subsequent SBS.